i'm not that deep

real life bitchslap.

Last night, like every Sunday night, I went to roar, which is an all-female identified safe space to chat, rant, etc. We talked about transitions and it almost turned into an anxiety fest for second semester seniors. I’m in such an awkward place in my life. I’m finishing up my final semester (cue unnerving music here) and putting together my “real life”. 

Vassar has done such a good job coddling me. I came here three and a half years ago and was taken care of. From fellow groups to being in a house (where I only “pay” for groceries), I’m living a life that some people dream of. Yeah, I’ve had a lot of other issues but finances and having a place to live have never been one of them. I know I can go back home and live there forever if I wanted to, but after college has always been the point where I decided is the time I want to move and make it happen. It’s the twenty-something way of life. It’s at least what I see on television. Rent, utilities, phone bill, getting from point a to point b all costs money…that need to come out of my own pocket. My money skills are not up to par and I don’t want to know what it’s like to be broke (not “omg i’m broke”. i mean “i can’t afford food broke”.). I don’t want to know what it means to be alone in a big scary place. There are so many if’s right now, I don’t know what to do. 

I don’t want to fall on my face. There’s so many ways it can happen. 

i’m a liar.

And I don’t stick with anything I do. It’s 2012 right? So that means I can actually spend even more time on this finagled tumblr thing and talk about things that irritate me and reblog pretty pictures. Right?